I'm still inactive, and probably will be for some time.

It's hard to say how horrible it is, going back to work for the Army, when you feel like the Army is at fault for a sibling's death.

That's how I feel. I feel disgusted with myself for being a part of this shit. I just want to get out. In fact two therapists told me I should. So I'm going to try.

In the meantime, I am miserable, and constantly, without fail, reminded of how and why my brother died.

And let me tell you, it had NO REASON. Just the Army being... well, the Army. I wont go into that.

I have had a very hard time the past few days. My brother died on Sunday.

I don't want to give away too much info since the press has been bothering us, and I don't want them finding me.

Just please don't "pray" for me. My brother was an atheist and was a great man he would rather you just wish him well in whatever I know he'd be doing now. He was such a smart, wonderful young man. He was 19 and had his entire life set for him. He had so much more to live for, and it was all ended so quickly. What 19 year olds do YOU know that have $5000 in an IRA, get tax returns of $2500, have multiple stocks, and are completely happy and know the exact direction they want to go in life? He was one of the rare ones.

RIP, Adam. I will always love you and miss you. I will think of you every day(and try not to cry, because I know you thought it's silly.)